The Psychology Behind Making New Friends

Friends provide connection, fun, and support. Together, friends share joy, sorrow, and everything in between. And friendship brings other gifts, too. Researchers say that social engagement is important to our physical and emotional well-being.¹

Expanding your social circle isn’t always easy, but friendship experts and professionals with psychology degrees say it can be done, and it’s worth it. Here are some of their tips and insights.

Make It a Priority

Psychologist Marisa Franco, author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, says that making new friends takes effort, and intention. If you’re at a gathering, don’t wait for someone to connect with you.

“First, friendships don’t just happen. In fact, the belief that they happen organically can hinder our chances of making friends,” she writes in an article for Psychology Today.²

Not everyone is comfortable going into social situations where they may not know anyone. But there are ways to structure outings to lessen anxiety. You might attend an event that should draw like-minded people and bring a friend for support. Just agree in advance that you won’t huddle over the stuffed mushrooms. Mingle, alone or together. That may even double your chances of meeting someone new.

Overcome Internal Obstacles

Perhaps you’d like to make a new friend but say you can’t find time because you’re too busy at work or have pressing family responsibilities. Both are valid reasons, but students of social psychology know that there may be other factors, too. Research in psychology shows that personality traits and past experiences may hold people back.

Participants in a research study said introversion, shyness, fear of rejection, and a lack of trust in others were some of the reasons preventing them from making new friends.³ The reasoning of the participants included:⁴

• I think about what others might think of me and I get anxious.
• I find it difficult to figure out what I need to do in order to start a friendship.
• I feel embarrassed when meeting new people.
• I am suspicious.
• I feel that others approach me with a purpose other than friendship.

Identifying your concerns and finding ways to work through them—if necessary or possible—may help you find friend-making success.

Give It Time

People move at different speeds, but experts say what you probably know: Friendships take time to develop. But did you know researchers have studied just how long it takes to move from casual friends to BFFs?

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that some people developed a good friendship after spending 120 to 160 hours together over three weeks. Becoming best friends with a kindred spirit may happen after spending 200 or more hours together over six weeks, says study author Jeffrey Hall.⁵

Manage Differences

Friendships—old and new—don’t always travel through a placid landscape.

“When two people entangle their emotional lives, it’s bound to be difficult sometimes,” write Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman in their book, Big Friendship. “Not all friendships look the same for the long term, but one thing is guaranteed: Any intimate friendships will face existential threats.”⁶

When you bump heads with a longtime friend, you both may feel safe and secure enough to talk it through. Sow and Friedman even went to therapy. But in a new friendship, one or both parties may feel emotionally vulnerable and more inclined to pull the plug. Everyone has boundaries and deal-breakers, but navigating through lesser slights may help preserve a friendship worth keeping.

Consider Earning a Psychology Degree

If you’re interested in human behavior, you may find career satisfaction in earning a bachelor’s degree in psychology.

In Walden University’s online bachelor’s in psychology degree program, you can follow a general course of study or customize your curriculum by choosing one of these concentrations:

• Addiction
• Child and Adolescent Development
• Criminal Justice
• Forensic Psychology
• Human Services
• Workplace Psychology

You can also lay the groundwork for earning a graduate degree by selecting the Accelerate Into Master’s (AIM) option. With AIM, you can take up to five master’s-level courses from select Walden master’s programs at the undergraduate tuition rate.

If you plan to advance your psychology career, you may be interested in Walden’s online master’s in psychology degree program. It also offers you a choice of specializations, including a Self-Designed option.

Walden’s online psychology programs are designed for working professionals who want to earn a degree while staying active in their professional and personal lives. As a Walden student, you can set your own weekly study schedule and work anywhere you have an internet connection.

An Enrollment Specialist can help you find the online psychology degree program that’s right for you. Then let your degree prepare you to take your career in exciting and fulfilling directions.

Walden University is an accredited institution offering an online BS in Psychology degree program to help you meet your professional goals. Expand your career options and earn your degree in a convenient, flexible format that fits your busy life.

¹Source: www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html
²Source: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/201908/the-secret-making-friends-adult
³Source: www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920302324
⁴Source: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/202103/making-adult-friends-is-hard-here-are-40-reasons-why
⁵Source: www.researchgate.net/publication/323783184_How_many_hours_does_it_take_to_make_a_friend
⁶Source: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jul/12/we-went-to-therapy-to-save-our-friendship-aminatou-sow-and-ann-friedman

Walden University is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission, www.hlcommission.org.