Psychiatrist George Vaillant said, “… the key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships.”1 He should know. For 32 years, Vaillant led one of the world’s longest studies of adult life, the Study of Adult Development, for Harvard Medical School. The study began in 1938 and is still continuing today—the scientists eventually included the children of the original research subjects in the study. 

Of course, just being in a relationship isn’t enough. The goal is to be in a healthy relationship. Says Robert Waldinger, who currently heads the study, “… how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health.”¹

But how do you know if your relationship is healthy? Take a look.

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

1. You respect each other. 
   You don’t have to delight in everything your partner does, but you do need to respect each other. You and your significant other need to understand that you are each unique people with individual interests and needs. And even if you don’t love all the same things that your partner loves, in a healthy relationship you respect and accept your differences. 
2. You trust one another. 
   Healthy relationships are built on trust. And trust applies to fidelity, finances, parenting, and more. Trustworthy partners are predictable, faithful, and reliable. 
3. You communicate well as a couple.
   Communication is a two-way street: You need to be able to speak your mind, and you also need to be able to hear your partner speak their mind—even when they tell you something unpleasant. Good communication helps couples express themselves, connect, and resolve conflicts in healthy ways. 
4. You’re both committed to the relationship.
   The top predictor of a healthy union is feeling that your partner is committed to the relationship, according to a 2020 review of dozens of relationship studies.² If you believe your significant other is in it for the long haul, and if your partner believes the same of you, your relationship is likely a healthy one.
5. You’re kind to each other.
   In a healthy relationship, both parties treat each other with care and compassion. All couples bicker from time to time, but people in healthy relationships are kind to one another, even when they disagree.
6. You enjoy each other’s company.
   It’s healthy for couples to have individual interests and to spend time apart, but healthy couples do enjoy spending time together, whether they binge a TV series together, work out together, or enjoy regular date nights.
7. You support each other’s goals. 
   Whether you want to write a book, earn a degree, or start a business, it’s important that your significant other supports your dreams. You don’t have to have the same vision for your future, as long as you encourage one another to pursue your passions.
8. You make decisions together.
   In a healthy relationship, partners collaborate on decisions. Whether you’re deciding something as mundane as what to have for dinner or something as momentous as where to live, you and your significant other should listen to each other and come to a mutually agreeable decision.
9. Your friends and family support your relationship.
   What you think of your relationship is the most important opinion to consider, of course. But if the majority of people who love you and want the best for you think you’re better off single, it’s a good idea to take an impartial look at your relationship to determine why other people don’t see it as a healthy one.
10. You feel supported and cared for.
    The best way to know that you’re in a healthy relationship is to consider how your relationship makes you feel. Infatuation can feel exciting and drama can masquerade as passion, but true love feels safe, calm, and empowering. (And that can still feel exciting and passionate!) If your partner regularly shows that they care for you and support you, that’s a good sign of a healthy relationship.

5 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship 

While recognizing healthy relationship patterns is important, it’s equally crucial to identify warning signs of unhealthy dynamics. According to relationship health experts, these red flags indicate a relationship may need serious attention or should be reconsidered.³

1. Communication Breaks Down or Becomes Hostile

   In unhealthy relationships, partners struggle to express themselves without conflict escalating. Conversations regularly turn into arguments, or one or both partners use the silent treatment, yelling, or insults instead of productive dialogue.

2. Control and Manipulation Are Present

   Warning signs include a partner who tries to control where you go, who you see, how you dress, or how you spend your time. This may also manifest as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or using emotional manipulation to get their way.

3. Trust Is Broken or Absent

   Unhealthy relationships often feature dishonesty, secrecy, or repeated broken promises. You may find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s actions or feeling the need to check up on them. Jealousy and possessiveness are also red flags.

4. One Partner Feels Isolated From Friends and Family

   A critical warning sign is when one partner discourages or prevents the other from maintaining relationships with friends, family, or support networks. Isolation tactics can include making you feel guilty for spending time with others or creating conflict whenever you see loved ones.

5. You Feel Worse About Yourself, Not Better

   In a healthy relationship, your partner should build you up. If you consistently feel criticized, diminished, anxious, or “less than” because of how your partner treats you, this is a significant red flag. You may find yourself walking on eggshells or constantly trying to avoid conflict.

How to Build a Healthier Relationship

Understanding the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships is the first step. The next is taking action to strengthen your partnership. The following strategies can help you cultivate a more fulfilling relationship.

Practice Open Communication

Effective communication is the foundation of relationship health. Set aside regular time to talk without distractions—put away phones and turn off the TV. Use “I” statements to express your feelings (“I feel hurt when ...” rather than “You always ...”). Listen actively by giving your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back what you hear.

When conflicts arise, address them calmly and respectfully rather than letting resentment build. Remember that the goal isn’t to “win” an argument but to understand each other and find solutions together.

Set and Respect Boundaries

Healthy boundaries protect both individuals in a relationship. Communicate your needs, limits, and expectations clearly. This includes physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, time boundaries, and boundaries around privacy and independence.

Equally important is respecting your partner’s boundaries without taking them personally. Boundaries aren’t about rejection—they’re about creating a sustainable, respectful partnership where both people feel safe and valued.

Show Appreciation Regularly

Don’t let gratitude become an afterthought. Research shows that regularly expressing appreciation strengthens relationships. Thank your partner for specific things they do, acknowledge their efforts, and celebrate their successes.

Small gestures matter: a sincere compliment, a note of appreciation, or simply saying “I love you” can reinforce positive feelings and connection.

Maintain Your Individual Identity

While togetherness is important, healthy relationships require two whole, fulfilled individuals. Continue pursuing your own interests, maintaining friendships outside the relationship, and working toward personal goals.

Supporting each other’s independence actually strengthens your bond. When both partners have rich, fulfilling individual lives, they bring more energy, experiences, and perspectives to the relationship.

Seek Professional Support When Needed

There’s no shame in seeking help from a relationship counselor or therapist. Professional support can provide tools for better communication, help you work through conflicts, and strengthen your partnership.

Many couples find that working with a professional during challenging times prevents small issues from becoming larger problems. Don’t wait for a crisis—proactive relationship counseling can benefit any couple.

Build Emotional Intelligence Together 

Understanding and managing emotions—both your own and your partner’s—is crucial for relationship health. Work on identifying your feelings, expressing them constructively, and responding to your partner’s emotions with empathy.

This includes developing skills like active listening, emotional regulation, and empathy. Psychology courses and relationship education programs can help couples build these essential skills together.

If you’re interested in relationships, you might enjoy studying psychology. Individuals who choose psychology programs develop skills to help people improve their lives and study how people behave, think, and feel. A bachelor’s in psychology can academically prepare graduates to pursue a variety of career paths—from human resources to marketing to healthcare. A master’s in psychology can provide the advanced skills needed for psychology professional roles in settings such as schools, government agencies, nonprofit organizations, social services agencies, and more. Choosing an online degree program can allow you to start your studies immediately with online psychology classes. Plus you can finish your coursework at a time and in a location that works for you. 

Walden University is an HLC-accredited institution offering online psychology degree programs, including a BS in Psychology with a variety of concentrations to choose from and an MS in Psychology with an array of specializations. Earn your psychology degree in a convenient, flexible format that fits your busy life.

¹Source: news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/  
²Source: www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1917036117
³Source: jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-safely-end-unhealthy-relationships/ 

Walden University is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission (www.hlcommission.org), an institutional accreditation agency recognized by the U.S. Department of Education.

Note on licensure: 
The BS in Psychology and MS in Psychology are not licensure programs and do not prepare an individual to become a licensed psychology or counseling professional.