Is It Possible to Change Your Personality?

Sometimes we can be unsure if a specific behavior is negatively affecting our lives—especially when we find ourselves falling back into the same routine. To help identify whether a certain pattern of behavior is hurting your life, ask yourself how it’s working for you, and make a list of any positive outcomes related to the behavior. This exercise is helpful in recognizing that behaviors aren’t beneficial—they just have deep roots and have become habits. Once you recognize this, you can work toward making a change.

Acknowledge that these behaviors are not fixed.

It’s important to know that change is possible, even when you’re in a rut. No matter the circumstance or how stagnant things may seem, you can shift your attitude and actions. If you find yourself thinking that something within your power is impossible, that’s a sign your critical inner voice has taken over. This voice is used as a defense mechanism and is based on negative attitudes we were exposed to early on in life that we identified with and internalized.¹

When this voice is triggered, try to notice the pattern and reflect on where it might come from, then do your best to challenge what is being said. Challenging this inner voice can make us feel unsafe because it can mean exposing ourselves to painful aspects of our past, but it is vital to do so to make positive changes and break harmful patterns. Just remember that the patterns of behavior you’d like to improve are not fixed or impossible to alter despite what your inner voice has to say.

Take chances on your actions.

Once you recognize that rigid patterns are based on old, distorted attitudes, straying from your comfort zone becomes easier. Instead of falling into the patterns of behavior that no longer serve you, you can try to enjoy the adventure of attempting something new or approaching something with a different attitude—even if it makes you uncomfortable. The anxiety that accompanies change is natural—you’re challenging the critical inner voice that thinks it’s keeping you safe. But it’s worth working through the anxious moments. Let the nervousness and uncertainty you feel serve as a reminder that you’re headed in the right direction.

Remember to practice self-compassion.

Being kind to yourself is one of the most important things you can do as you work to make positive changes in your life. Identify and reflect on patterns without judgement. Accept that change can feel frightening and uncomfortable. And feel proud of yourself for taking the hard but necessary steps to better yourself. Treating yourself and the process with compassion and empathy allows you to embrace the experience and resist the temptation to revert back to the negative patterns that hinder positive growth.