The Art of Setting Boundaries

Kim was drowning in commitments, James and Debra were battling over his mother’s role in their marriage, and Alex was losing his friends. Despite their different issues, all three clients found themselves in Nedra Glover Tawwab’s therapy room, facing a common obstacle: the inability to set healthy boundaries.

“When they walk in the door, boundary issues are disguised as issues with self-care, conflicts with other people, trouble with time management, or concerns about how social media impacts their emotional state,” Tawwab writes in her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace. “Once they finish their tales of resentment, unhappiness, feeling overwhelmed, and codependency, I say to them gently, ‘You have an issue with boundaries.’”

For more than 15 years, therapist and best-selling author Tawwab has helped people create healthier lives and relationships. Now, she has teamed up with Walden University to develop an online course for the HLC-accredited university’s SocialChange Masters series. “On Understanding Boundaries,”    like all the SocialChange Masters courses, is available at no cost.

“From this course, I would love for you to take away that the best way to talk about your boundaries is to be up-front—not to tell other people and share with people who aren’t involved, but to share with the direct recipients of your boundaries. I hope that you will learn how to identify what boundary violations look like and learn to notice your own boundaries and the impact that you have on other people,” Tawwab says.

What Are Boundaries?

While most of us know it’s important to set boundaries, we may not always fully understand what they are. Tawwab describes them as “the gateway to healthy relationships.”

“Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Expectations in relationships help you stay mentally and emotionally well. Learning when to say no and when to say yes is also an essential part of feeling comfortable when interacting with others.”

Her client Kim (a pseudonym) had a busy personal and professional life. On top of that, friends, family, and co-workers frequently asked her for help—and she gave it. By the time she came to see Tawwab, she was worried, stressed, and experiencing debilitating anxiety.

“I worked with Kim to unpack her need to be present for everyone. I helped her see that saying no would give her the time she was seeking. Saying no would give her the freedom to settle into her role as a wife. Saying no would reduce her worry so that she could get out of bed and face the day without immediately feeling overwhelmed,” Tawwab writes.

What Do Boundaries Look Like?

Getting to “no” isn’t easy after years of saying yes, but therapists, clinical social workers, and other counselors help clients find their way.

Tawwab identifies two steps to boundary setting:

1. Communication: “Verbally communicating your needs is Step 1. People cannot accurately assume your boundaries based on your body language or unspoken expectations. When you explicitly state what you expect, there is little room for others to misinterpret what works for you,” she writes.
   Example: “It’s important to me that you honor plans that we set up. If you need to change our plans, please send me a text a few hours before.”
2. Action: “You must uphold what you communicate through your behavior. Betting on the other person to read your mind is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship. Action is required,” she says.
   Example: If a friend violates the boundary in Step 1, “You would let your friend know that you can’t accommodate the changed plans because they didn’t give you enough notice. You might say gently, ‘I want to hang out with you, but my schedule won’t allow for the adjustment. Let’s set up a time to get together next week.’”

Changing Lives With Boundaries

Tawwab’s book and the SocialChange Masters course are transformative, high-level resources you can use in your personal and professional life. Consider This, her latest book published in October 2024, adds another valuable tool for negotiating life’s obstacles.

“Boundaries all blend together,” Tawwab says. “Our personal self is our professional self. And as we’re showing up with clients, it can represent how we show up with other people. If I have some people-pleasing tendencies as a therapist, I probably have those tendencies in my other relationships. So, it’s really important for us to not make this huge distinction and to think about these as tendencies that I might need to explore overall, because when we show up one way in one area, we’re probably doing it in other spaces.”

The author, who has inspired more than a million followers on Instagram, shares that “having healthy boundaries has changed my life in ways that I didn’t know were possible.”

“At first, setting your boundaries may be uncomfortable. You might feel riddled with guilt. You might question if you’re doing the right thing. But set them anyway. Push past the discomfort and do it even while you feel afraid. You’re challenging yourself to be healthier and to have healthier relationships.”

Become a Social Work Professional

Become a changemaker who assists clients in creating and navigating boundaries. You can gain knowledge and skills you can apply to your career by earning a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree.

Walden’s MSW degree program, accredited by the Council on Social Work Education (CSWE), meets licensure requirements in most states. This CSWE-accredited social work degree program is offered online, giving you the flexibility to log in and work on your studies on your own schedule, 24/7.

Walden University offers you the opportunity to align your MSW studies with current social work jobs by choosing one of five focus areas: Addictions, Child and Family, Healthcare, Military, and Trauma. You can enhance your studies by taking a third course within a specific focus area. This allows you to earn an embedded certificate alongside your MSW degree.

Walden also allows you take your social work education to the highest level by offering a Doctor of Social Work (DSW) degree program. As a doctoral candidate, you’ll receive rigorous support throughout your online DSW program. This includes comprehensive student support services, academic residencies, and the Doctoral Degree Coach™, an interactive planning and progress-tracking tool.

Contact an Enrollment Specialist to take the next step in your social work education and choose a path that empowers you to create positive change in clients’ lives and communities.

Walden University is a HLC -accredited institution offering online Master of Social Work (MSW) and Doctor of Social Work (DSW) degree programs. Expand your career options and earn your degree in a convenient online format that fits your busy life.

Walden University is accredited by The Higher Learning Commission (HLC), www.hlcommission.org, an institutional accreditation agency recognized by the U.S. Department of Education. 

Accreditation
Walden University’s Master of Social Work (MSW) program is accredited by the Council on Social Work Education (CSWE) Board of Accreditation (BOA). Accreditation of a baccalaureate or master’s social work program by the BOA indicates that it meets or exceeds standards of program quality evaluated through a peer review accreditation process. An accredited program has sufficient resources to meet its mission and goals and the BOA has verified that it demonstrates compliance with all sections of the Educational Policy and Accreditation Standards (EPAS). Accreditation provides reasonable assurance about the quality of the program and the competence of students graduating from the program.

Note on Licensure
The Walden University Master of Social Work (MSW) program is designed to prepare graduates to practice as licensed social workers in many states. However, the requirements for licensure as a social worker vary greatly from state to state. Each state board that is responsible for regulating the practice of social work has its own academic requirements and issues its own license to practice as a social worker in that state. Additionally, students should be advised that the Walden MSW program is not designed or intended to prepare graduates for licensure as a school social worker; however, graduates might be eligible for licensure as a school social worker in their particular state of residence.
While Walden Enrollment Specialists can provide general information relating to the state-by-state educational requirements for social work licensure or certification, it remains the student’s responsibility to understand, evaluate, and comply with all requirements relating to field education experiences, licensing or certification, authorization, or endorsement for the state in which she or he resides. Walden makes no representations or guarantee that completion of its coursework or programs will permit an individual to obtain state licensure, certification, authorization, endorsement, or other state credential. Licensure eligibility determinations are ultimately determined by the appropriate state board that issues the credential to practice.

Prospective students enrolling in licensure-leading programs are advised that relocation to another state may impact the student’s ability to complete field experiences and/or to obtain professional licensure, certification, or other credential in another state. Prospective students are advised to carefully review, evaluate, and understand the requirements of the applicable licensure board in the state in which they intend to relocate.